I was a daddy's girl, so it was nothing for me to hop into my father's tractor trailer and go on a ride with him or talking on the phone frequently, with him. My father was a business man so I grew up watching him in many entrepreneur ventures, from selling Murphy choir robes, to life insurance policies, to becoming part owner of a trucking company.
Valentine's Day has always been a special day for me. It was nothing for my parents to give us chocolate candy and those little boxes of hard candy hearts. My parents were divorced so whenever there was a holiday, my father would send us cards if he was out of town.
It was February 14, 1987 and our phone rang, quite naturally I had a feeling that it was my dad. When I answered, my father said, "hey Carmie (my nickname, that he gave me), my eyes lit up and I said "hey daddy", then he began to sing "I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care, I just called to say, I love you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart!"
I was wowed! My dad, my sister and I talked for a long time, before we hung up he told us that he would be coming home and that he would see us soon. Life went on like normal, until February 19, 1987, my sister and I had just gotten home and we received a phone call that our father had fallen ill and was taken to a hospital in Ohio. We had little time to react as our mother explained to us to get ready, that we would need to travel to Ohio, to be our father's bedside. Moments later the phone rang and it was the call that we were not expecting, as my older sister answered the phone, she was told that our father David Emanuel Herbin had passed away.
My life as I knew it had stopped! I was numb to the news. My dad was my world, how was I going to live without my father. Even as I write this blog, the pain is still so real after 24 years. Who was going to let me ride in the tractor trailer? Who was going to teach me history lessons about great men and women? Who was going with me on my field trips? Before dad died he told the nurse, to tell my children that I love them.... I held onto those words, yet I was still hurting!
This was to say the least a life changing experience for my family. After my father's death, I realized that I was just "there" nothing was phasing me, it wasn't until I was older that I knew that I needed help to deal with his passing. You can't heal until you deal with what has hurt you. I would smile, but deep down I was hurting, I missed the love from my father. As time went on and I matured into an adult and formed a relationship, with God, I was healed.
It was so clear that God wanted to heal me, but I was still holding on to the hurt, the pain, and the disappointment of the lost love of a father. This past Easter, I allowed the pain to resurface and I as I began to weep and call on God, I felt God purging me of this hurt that was going on at the time for 23 years. It was so clear, as I was standing there talking to God, I could feel my father saying....Carmie, it's okay to let it go, I am still your father, but your heavenly father,loves you more.
You see when we allow God to minister to us, he takes those deep hidden pains and he begins to perform a healing surgery on us. God wants us whole, he wants us to recover, but the only way you will recover is if you deal with the pain. This time, I dealt with everything, that I had suppressed for years. See I thought I was over it, but I wasn't.
In order for me to move forward, I had to continually pray and seek God. Father, I thank you that you are able to heal us from all of our hurts, now I pray that your word would help us daily as we recover.
As you continue to walk in your healing allow the scriptures to speak to your life. I am praying that God our Jehovah-Rapha - "the Lord that healeth thee" (Ex. 15:25-26), will comfort you and heal you of every manner.
Additional Scriptures on healing:
Ps 147:3"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." (KJV)
Ps. 23:3a "He restores my soul."
Matt 21:22: "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (ASV)
Ps. 34:18 "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit"
God loves you and YOU WILL RECOVER!
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