To look at me now, you would not have known that I was once shy. You would have never known that I was overweight, had a jeri curl and even wore some very unattractive glasses and I do mean very unattractive glasses.
Words play a significant role in our everyday life, we put words in the atmosphere almost every second of the minute. Words of love, peace, confusion, and hate circulate in the air. Our words are just as valuable as our money, they both can cause you to be wealthy, if invested in the right thing or they can cause your poverty, if not properly budgeted, which could cause your demise. When you are told over and over that you are "fat" or picked on by other children, you loose your sense of being. Those words cut, they pierce your soul. Words can be the quickest death sentence, it has the ability to destroy a person in a matter of moments.
I lived behind the shadow of my older sister who was a cheerleader, ran track, was Ms. Popular and what I deem to be everything but "beauty queen." Don't get me wrong, I love my sister with my whole being, but in the wings of the shadow, I heard from older adults (non-family members), oh you are Carmen, you are the fat one, your sister is the pretty one. With my emotions running high, I just didn't think I was pretty enough or that I would ever be able to be a leader. Emotion being defined as a "state of feeling", caused me to want to be "liked."
Almost reluctant to tell this part of the story, I thought about all of the young girls who are sitting in the shadow of the wings. As a grew, I matured but there was still a sense of insecurity that plagued my mind. I would work extra hard to have good grades, besides, I felt that looks were not on my side. My insecurities took me down a path that was not healthy for any teenager. More and more I felt that if people called me over weight, then I had to live up to it, so I would deal with my pressures by eating. Here is a truth, the very thing I said I was not, I became. I fought hard not to gain weight, but the more I heard the comments the more I would eat.
My insecurities finally subsided when I started pressing in to who is Carmen....who is this young girl turned woman, who is this that's afraid to come out of the wings? Who is behind the words of hurt, what is her talent, who is she trying to be like....when will she find her own self? All these questions were embedded in my mind, until one day I decided to step out of the shadow and onto a path that had my name on it.
It was a process, but once I realized who I was and who I belonged to and my purpose, I began to walk everyday in it....no more shyness, I was a volcano waiting to erupt. I had a face, a name and a voice. My shyness was now gone and I emerged into a leader. I turned that negative energy and words into something positive...life as I knew was different, no longer were my skies gray but it was a beautiful array of colors! In my quest to come out of the shadow of someone else, I developed this zeal to speak life and to encourage others, that later would lead me to accepting the calling on my life as an Evangelist.
To the young lady or man reading this, it's okay to feel insecure but it is not okay to stay there. Insecurities will bleed into relationships and will cause you to hide from everyone. When God created you and I he saw something beautiful and while we may not always see what God sees, we are valuable and worthy.
For those that sometimes use negative words, be careful of what you release into the air, someone may hear it and go in a shell. Stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt....that's a LIE! Elie Wiesel quote says it best "Our words can kill as well as heal." CHAMPIONS, today let's choose words that will HEAL. Words that will bring life and not death to any situation.
CHAMPIONS, I am praying for you as you walk out of the shadows and into the light!
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